...while panicking after a phone call

Company will be here in about a half hour. OK, how am I going to make my house presentable in a half hour with out it making it look like I cleaned it for them? Because if they think I cleaned it for them they will know that it was a mess and it was a big enough mess that I was embarrassed by it which means I'm not a good housekeeper because good house keepers dont have such messy houses. Anyway, I have to make it look like I wasn't trying. First things first... the stairs. Grab the panties, roll of toilet paper, toy horses and trash and bring it up the stairs, plop it against the wall just behind the corner of the landing so it wont be seen. Close all doors, drop all shutters, and turn off all upstairs lights to make it seem as uninviting, yet clean, as possible. Bathroom. Rub hand around the inside of the sink with brute force to get clumps of toothpaste off of the sides, then thouroughly wash hands after gagging (should have remembered to grab the clorox wipes from the grocery store two weeks ago). Close shower curtain, make sure the hand towel doesn't stink, dim the light, and be on your way. Laundry room. Close your eyes and walk quickly to the laundry room. Hold your breath is necessary. Dont look, just close the door and walk away. Just walk away. Kitchen. DO NOT START DISHWASHER. Starting the dishwasher will make them think that you JUST cleaned the kitchen, cleaned it just for them, and that you don't have the ability to simply KEEP it clean. Fill the sink with hot soapy water and submerge all dirty dishes. That will totally throw them off. Make sure to wipe the counters super quick and them sweep everything from the kitchen floor into another room with great big swoops to save time. Just keep the lights off in that area. Good enough. Go throughout the house and push things aside into dark corners. No time to put it away, but if you kinda scatter it a bit and push it into multiple corners it will look like a little mess here and there instead of a floor that has been covered with stuff for weeks. Even thought the vacuum is still in the hallway from when the house was vacuumed two weeks ago, it needs to be put away or they will think you just vaccummed for them and again, dont have the ability to keep a house clean enough for sudden company to arrive. We dont want that. Entrance. Shove all of it, whatever it is, into the entry way closet and pray that your company isn't polite enough to remove their shoes and politely stow them away in the closet. Don't forget to threaten the kids with death if they let the cat out of the bag by yelling something like "Wow mom! its so clean in here!" Also, gotta sit them down with a coloring book or something to make it look like thy are perfectly happy without tv. To keep that facade up, you're company will need to leave after about a half hour. Now that I pretended to clean my house I can put together my story. To a normal person, it will look like I usually keep a cleanish house, but I will head the conversation off with "so sorry about the mess, I've just been so tired today I figured I could slack off a little." Then the whole "oh no way, it looks fine, you deserve a day off here and there " will come into play. Afterword, I will sit and listen to the "being a stay at home mom is a hard job, you're doing great!" shpeal and tell myself "dont worry, you'll get a routine down someday so that you wont have to try and dupe everyone that comes over. It will happen, dont worry. It will happen."