...while gathering the laundery

Ten, count them, ten baskets of laundry to do. That's not even all of it. I still have sheets and other random pieces to launder. How am I ever going to get on top of this mountain? And it's not like I can just choose not to do it all if I don't feel like it, I MUST do the laundry. Its a good thing Bella was sick and stayed home from school or she would have been going to school naked today. My poor husband, bless his heart, had to wear uncomfortable dress socks with his tennis shoes to work. FAIL! Am I the only one in the world that gets this berried under laundry? Does anyone elses family suffer because of an inability to accomplish the necessities of a functioning home? House wives of the world, please tell me, am I alone in my lameness?

...while folding laundry

I have got to lose weight. This is crazy. I feel gross, I look terrible, I felt sluggish while picking apples with the girls today. That reminds me! Dad made an apple pie with the apples we brought home! It's probably cooled off enough now so I can have a slice. What am I talking about? I just got done saying I'm turning into a fatso and now I'm considering pie? What a fool. Ok, tomorrow I will start a diet. Wait, tomorrow we are making home made pierogis. Mmmmm I can't wait for that cheese potato stuffed pasta drenched in melted butter! Ok, ok, I will start the diet on Monday. I will I will I will.

...while sweeping the basement

It was so peaceful down here by myself. I was proud to be getting it all swept up, the laundry was off the floor and I had completed 3 loads. Washed, dried, folded and put away. The basement was looking better than it had in months. Suddenly I get the little mouse in the corner calling out "it's kind of cleaned up in here! Sometimes you don't always clean it up." I turn to find my 5 year old peeking down on me from on top of the elliptical machine she is pretending to use. Hmm, what can I say back to her? Well maybe if other people in the house helped me once in a while It would be clean more often." Take that five year old! Do you suppose she understood the underlying message in that statement? All she knows is that she now has more room to play with her tea set. Again, a mess I will be cleaning up. Time to put the broom away and bring down some more laundry. Goodbye floor, it was nice to see you again.

..while stirring the jello

I am the model of productivity! I have the jello made, hard boiled 18 eggs, did the grocery shopping. I am feeling great! Big smile on my face! Wait a minute, laundry isn't done, floor needs to be swept, basement needs to be cleaned, bathrooms are a mess, every room needs to be picked up, dinner needs to be prepared, dishwasher needs to be loaded. Never mind. I guess boiling eggs and making jello doesn't really make me that productive.

...while picking up the pieces

So I sit here holding the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ziplock bags that are supposed to contain separate puzzles. As I handed Clara the box of different puzzles I shouted "don't mix them up!" Yes, to my three year old, I give those instructions. Like she'll say "sure mom, no problem, I got this under control, I'll do one at a time." I know as I say it that she is going to mess them all up for for some reason only God understands I let her take them all into the living room. I come back later to see them all over the floor and I know damn well I can't yell at her for it because she is three, I knew better, and it is my fault. So I am stuck down here separating the penguin pieces from the cat pieces, the flower pieces from the... what the hell is this a picture of?? Yes, there we go, all of them into one bag. Done. I have lost the desire to have all of them separate. Maybe in the future I will find the motivation to put them together individually so I can decide what piece goes with what puzzle. For now, however, I have a giant bag of six or seven puzzles in my basement.

...while preparing lasagne

Housewife. Why HOUSEwife? What other types of "wife" are there? Are we called housewife in Poland? Or Africa? Or Korea? Why not a "kitchenwife"? If you work are you called a workwife? Why aren't I a housemom? Housemomwife? What a stupid train of thought. But I really want to know what I would be called if I lived in another country.

...while drying up the lake Clara created in the hallway

I wonder if kids ever truly feel sorry when they get yelled at and are forced to say sorry. It seems more like they are secretly thinking "dude, Mom, why are you freaking out, don't you know how much fun it is to play with water in the house?" I don't think they truly grasp the concept. Even if it's fun, it's naughty. Do I have the right as a loving mother to yell at them for doing something they just don't realize is very very bad? Can I honestly punish my daughter for having very creative fun time simply because it makes my life hell for the 2 minutes it takes to clean up? At least her barbie is nice and clean...along with the floor in the middle of my hallway.

...while switching clothes from the washer to the dryer

My bathroom closet shelves aren’t deep enough to fit my towels if I only fold them in half, then half again, then half again like normal people. Therefore, I have to go an extra step and add an extra fold to make them fit. Drives me nuts. If I have six towels washed and dried, I would only have to make 18 folds all together. But since I have that extra fold, I end up doing 24 folds. That’s more effort, more time, more work than I should have to do. The towels will have to wait and be folded another time. If I only had to fold them three times each, I might have just done it right now.

...while doing the dishes

As a housewife I get excited about some pretty stupid stuff. Like the way I stacked the dishes in the drainer today after I washed them was just magical. It took talent. Only another housewife could truly appreciate how I feel about it.